Sunday, August 19, 2007

Jeffrey Wells is rapidly approaching senior citizen status

As any of you who has frequented his site, Hollywood Elsewhere, have ascertained, Jeffrey Wells is a crotchety old man, who prides himself on his liberal Bush-bashing, but seems to show prejudice and stereotyping towards homosexuals and blacks whenever he can. Recurring characters on his blog are hypothetical “homies” talking in ghetto fashion about “Dreamgirls” and other films/events he construes blacks being the majority audience for.

He also has made statement remarking that all gays go ga-ga over big splashy musicals and will surely eat up any campy performance. But beyond any sort of prejudice, he’s always made it clear that he’s a stubborn, grizzled man in his mid-60s who desperately wants to be hip (he’s posted to no end about “Superbad’s” supposed greatness) yet often comes off as out-of-touch (he dismisses any fans of Will Ferrell or Judd Apatow as hairy-backed frat guys), nasty and seems to have a monstrous sense of self-entitlement (he’s bitched about having to pay for a movie, about not being seated to a screening when showing up late, and not being shown movies early enough).

Despite my disdain for him as a human being, he’s still interesting to read, and on occasion, I have been known to comment on some of his postings. Recently he posted a piece about him going to a movie where someone was saving seats for their friends, and he demanded that they give up the seats and just sat down in them (yes, he is indeed an asshole), and proceeded to talk about how he was in the right in the situation, according to “natural jungle law.” Anyway, finding this to be a bit (read: way) off the mark, I posted (under my username ‘PantheFaun’):

“What if you don't have "territorial markings" with you?

Aren't people allowed to go piss or get concessions before a movie starts without worrying that some douchebag, sixty-something elitist journalist will snatch up their seats, claiming "natural jungle law"?”

Minutes later, Wells posted, apparently believing that the threat of being banned from his message boards would shatter the bane of my existence:
“Wels to Pan the Faun: Bring your territorial markings (jackets, napkins, bags, pocketboooks) to the theatre with you, and if you haven't brought anything with you then live within the Animal Planet rules like any adult human or wolf or coyote or fox or dog...simple. Don't like the rules? Tough. And if you get personal with me one more time, you'll be out of this space for the rest of your life. Mine is the hand that smiteth,”

When I looked back at my posting, it was intact except for the removal of the word “sixty-something.” Aghast that me simply declaring his age was the part he considered uber-personal, I posted:

“Wow, Wells! You would think a person would be more insulted by being called ‘elitist’ or a ‘douchebag’ than simply having their age stated…”

Soon after, my comment was deleted completely, and I was banned, with Wells writing:

“Farewell, Pan the Faun...I told you what not to do, told you not to do it again or else, and you did it anyway, douchebag.” [I checked back minutes later, and he had removed the word 'douchebag']

One or two commenters wrote back saying I deserved it, and (in more or less words) you don’t talk shit about someone on their own site. The only thing is, EVERYONE talks shit about Wells on his site. If he deleted all the negative posts, he’d scarcely have anything left. What he took such great offense to was me mentioning his age. He oh-so-desperately wants to be thought of as hip, that someone mentioning his age (even without condemnation of it) was too much for him to bear.

I’ll continue to read Hollywood Elsewhere, not commenting anymore of course, and my bitterness is wholly towards Wells’ vanity and lack of character, not due to my world falling apart at the seams due to being unable to post anymore. So, let me just state it from the hills: Jeffrey Wells is a crotchety, craggly, sixty-something-year-old douchebag.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

For full disclosure:
How old are you?
How did you find out Wells' age?

10:25 PM  
Anonymous Ted Ballgame said...


I'm with you bud. Wells must have been hungover. Bizarre. I will say that film critics are very bizarre about movie attendance, I brought a buddy to a screening of Harsh Times that Bale movie last year, and maybe there were 12 people in a 80 seat thearte and the pr lady told my freind to leave. Like it bothered here. And then some online web citic wearing a sports jersey. We were both dressed in a suits and she looked like your average pr whore with a spray on tan. In any case, when I said I dragged my buddy along because he was visiting his father with cancer all day, the critic who was the one that wanted us to leave, actually stood up and said, "If you have the cancer you can stay."

Huh? He was serious.

10:42 PM  
Blogger NATHANIEL R said...

while i agree that you shouldn't have been banned (due to the type of comments regularly allowed and the need for consistency in such policies) your age statement was hardly without condemnation in the context in which it was uttered.

sorry my friend.

but still, yeah, it's asshole behavior to sit in someone else's seat.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Between you and I, Wells is an asshole. He has denigrated other ethnic groups besides the ones you mentioned. I wrote him to complain about it, and he basically said, you don't like it? Tough! So this prick is allowed to be as racist as he wants? I don't think so. Back when he was a columnist for, I owned a company that did a lot of ad revenue with his site. I pulled all of our ads, and Mrshowbiz closed down a year later. The truth is, we can make a difference, and do so every single day. Wells will never win because he's an arrogant old prick and means nothing in the industry today. KUDOS my friend for standing up to him.

2:37 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home