My second time trudging through "Pirates"

In the last week, three friends I consider to be smarter than myself told me they had seen “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” and really enjoyed it, thought it was a lot of fun, etc. Given this, and that my schedule was empty yesterday, I decided to check out the movie a second time. “Maybe I should’ve been a bit more open-minded,” “maybe seeing it at midnight lessened my enjoyment,”—a plethora of scenarios, so I ventured to the multiplex to give it a second chance.

Don’t worry, Jerry Bruckheimer got none of my money—I went to go see “A Scanner Darkly” again (just as good the second time, and added a bit more clarity), and snuck into “Pirates” after.
Anyway, let’s not make any bones about it: if anything, I was too easy on this flick the first time around. I made a point of saying I didn’t hate it in my first review; well, I certainly did this time around. This movie just piles on everything it can think of—be it cannibals, incomprehensible voodoo ladies, unnecessary minor characters from the first movie (e.g.: Norrington), toenail necklaces, uninteresting fish-mutants or a three-way swordfight on a big wheel.



It’s also a movie that just takes forever—at the one hour mark, the story hadn’t begun yet, and by the credits, not much had happened plotwise other than Jack Sparrow being eaten (and doubtlessly resurrected in the opening of the third movie).

There’s just so fucking much here, and very little of it is interesting or has the semblance of making sense. This is a rambling, incoherent movie that left me exhausted, and I don’t mean excited, I mean worn out and exasperated.

Again, the one thing I genuinely enjoyed was anything involving Davy Jones—a great villain if there ever was one. However, 2nd viewing made me further realize how little there is of him. He doesn’t make his first appearance until the 70-minute mark and is in the film for a grand total of 15 minutes (I timed it).



Regardless of what I say, this will be one of the biggest movies of all time. Whatever, I just wish Americans had better taste.